Well, I was strong. Kept my promise to myself. Didn't go see the dogs today. And this was despite the fact I woke up to a text message from 54 which was just a picture of the sick dog. Not sure what the meaning of that was for certain. At any rate, I replied back with a simple, "awww," and went on with my day.
I did manage to get some housework done while my oldest son prepared me breakfast, which was a treat in itself. But the afternoon found me listless. The symptoms of depression linger. I went in and laid down for what I thought would be a short nap around noon and woke up at 2:15 in the middle of dream in which I was waking up from a nap and had dropped small round chocolate candies all over the floor and was picking them up. Not sure what that dream signifies, but it probably has something to do with the small messes in my life and my struggle to tidy them up right now.
I went out to the sunroom for a few minutes and checked facebook and saw that about 10 people liked my status I had posted before my nap. This deed must have thoroughly exhausted me, because I headed back to the bedroom, laid back on the bed, and proceeded to fall asleep again until 4.
I awoke with a start and jumped from the bed like the house was on fire. Feeling guilty for having slept the entire afternoon away, I ran into the bathroom and jumped into the shower to fain off anymore sleepiness that may still be lingering in my body.
I recited my daily prayers while showering. It is a habit I have become accustomed to. I started doing this around the age of 16 and have done it ever since. Something about the whole cleanliness is next to Godliness, maybe. I am not really sure why I do it that way, I just do.
My OCD demands I get to a certain prayer before I am allowed to step out of the shower, and this sometimes becomes a hassle, especially if I am running late or am in a hurry for one reason or another. I'm not really sure what it is I think will happen if I don't get to that prayer before my feet hit the floor mat. It isn't as if my life is a dream right now anyway. But, I did make it to said prayer, so status quo is status quo once again.
The rest of the evening was spent eating takeout Chinese and messing around on the computer. You will quickly learn I do not watch much television. Maybe 4 hours a week, if even. The computer and reading are my ways to kill time inside the home.
So, now, I am heading off to bed. It is astonishing to me I will be able to sleep after all the sleeping I have already done today. But as I said, depression.... I know I am on the outer edge of it. I can almost see the sunshine, so I know its end is coming. I just have to make it through these final stages.
But, I am proud of myself for sticking to my guns today. I did not cave. I did not go see the dogs today. I will not go see them tomorrow either. I have another day under my belt. I am learning its all about looking out the windshield, not the rearview mirror.
God bless. Sweet dreams.
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